What is your threshold for tolerance?

There is poem from ancient India called the Mahabharat. If you are familiar with the Mahabharat, you will know that it has influenced Indian thought for centuries and much has been learnt from it. The Mahabharat is about a war between brothers; a war that started when one brother, Duryodhana’s, pride was hurt. His anger and hatred triggered a number of events, which later led on to the war.

When a situation occurs, how two people react can depend on a number of different factors. These can include: home environment, who we have been exposed to, our own life experiences, our nature or instincts — the list can go on. All these factors contribute to how tolerant we are towards others and their behaviour. We all have our own threshold for tolerance, how we adapt and how we deal with the unexpected.

In the Mahabharat, Duryodhana was full of arrogance and pride, his threshold for tolerance was low. A situation arose where he was humiliated and he could not tolerate it. This is what led to his intense anger and hatred for his brothers, later resulting in the war.

What is your threshold for tolerance? How do you react when a driver turns in front of you when they shouldn’t have? What if an elderly person is walking slowly in front of you on a narrow street? Or when someone says something offensive to you? We all get angry sometimes, but if we can learn to control this anger, we can avoid long term consequences.

In the Duryodhana’s case, would the story have turned out different if he had received an apology? Changing the trajectory of the path can change the outcome at the end.

We often think, “I will only be flexible and co-operate if they do” or “I will only give something if they give me something first”. There is an element of pride and ego which takes over and creates a barrier which can cause the breakdown in communication.

Mediation can be a great platform to resolve conflict, however both parties need to be invested in the process, be open, straight-forward and have good intentions. The value and benefit from co-operation and communication can be immense. It can result in better family relationships in the future and a better environment for children in the long term.

If you are facing a family conflict or issue, make the best decision for your family and ask yourself what you want to achieve at the end of the process. You can read more about this here.