There are many crises happening all over the world and this year we have experienced one closer to home. The Coronavirus crisis has had life changing impacts on families and peoples livelihoods. These impacts have been through no fault of their own and has often been determined by good fortune or bad luck – a coin toss depending on where you live, what you do, your age and the people you live with.
On one hand, Coronavirus has brought families together and evoked a greater sense of appreciation, kindness and gratitude. On the other, it has escalated family conflicts, created isolation and sadly, in some cases, this has resulted in an increase in suicide attempts, domestic violence and child abuse.
There are two sides to this coin.
The first side
Technology has often been seen to be detrimental to relationships and society, but this year we have seen the benefits of it. Keeping in touch online has become easy and accessible and we have been able to speak regularly with family and friends – often more than in normal times.
Families have supported each other and it has brought out a vulnerability in people that they may not have experienced before. The thought and realisation that someone we care about may be at risk or that we may lose them to this virus has changed our behaviour and mind set.
Having spoken to families this year from around the UK, many have told me that spending time at home with their children has strengthened their relationships. Parents have been able to divide responsibilities better whilst working from home and wouldn’t want to go back to the previous ways.
The time at home has helped many refocus on priorities, spend more time outdoors, encouraged people to take advantage of new opportunities and make changes to their lifestyle.
However, there is a darker side to this coin.
The other side
There have been devastating impacts on children and families across the world. Children being at home for long periods of time, parents under immense financial stress, worries about the safety of loved ones. Mental health problems amongst young people have become worse and suicide attempts, self-harming and isolation have increased.
Child abuse calls to the NSPCC have increased by 43% since the first lockdown
On Friday 18th December, the NSPCC released shocking statistics which showed that the average number of people contacting the NSPCC helpline per month about child abuse concerns (emotional, physical and neglect) had increased by 43% since the national lockdown measures were introduced.
Referrals to children’s social services have reduced and local authorities have had to prioritise the needs of older people and those with underlying health conditions. Early years support services like health visits and children’s centres have been suspended; vulnerable children are out of sight and out of reach.
The increased pressures and struggles that families are facing have made it harder to agree on child arrangements and future decisions due to the changing circumstances. I have seen the effects of this first hand through mediation sessions.
Pivot and refocus
One of the key elements of mediation is the human aspect; listening, adapting, finding different ways to work together to move forward. This is how we make real progress.
Over the past year, we have come up with solutions to new problems and adjusted to a new norm. Facing struggles helps build our emotional strength and resilience. Ask yourself how this year has helped you and how you can take that forward and build on it.
90% of the time you spend in person with your parents and siblings is in the first 18 years of your life.
It may seem obvious after thinking about it but we often don’t value face to face interaction with our families. Decide how you want those relationships to be and prioritise the time you spend with the people most important to you.
The next time you have an argument with a family member, remind yourself of what is important in the long term and whether the anger is justified. The difference can make or break family relationships.
Exposure to prolonged arguments can be as damaging to children as exposure to actual violence.
We will always be faced with challenges and circumstances which are out of our hands. However we do have control over many aspects of our lives, including our behaviour and reactions to the situations we find ourselves in. Realising what we have control over can help us manage our emotions. With increased stability in our minds, we make better decisions and our relationships can become stronger and last longer.
This year has shown us the value of simple pleasures, activated our thoughts of kindness and shown us what we can achieve together. Let’s maintain the progress within ourselves and with each other.
Young people can contact Childline on 0800 1111 or via 1-2-1 chat on www.childline.org.uk. Adults concerned about a child can contact the NSPCC helpline on 0808 800 5000.