I often get asked about the cases I mediate. Are there any interesting stories? What happens in this scenario? What if one person is moving to another country? Every case is different and mediation is a confidential process, so I thought I’d provide an example of typical case to show how mediation can help.

This case has elements of child issues, financial arrangements, power imbalance and Child Inclusive Mediation (CIM).

Background:

Mum and Dad are a married couple in their early 40s with two children, Child 1 (12) and Child 2 (9).  Mum is the primary caregiver, while Dad has a stable job as an engineer, earning a higher income than Mum, who works part-time as a teaching assistant. They have had a challenging relationship over the years and after a recent incident, in addition to years of conflict, they have decided to separate.

The couple have been unable to come to an agreement about custody of the children and financial split of assets. There are significant power dynamics at play as Dad earns substantially more than Mum and has historically had more control over the family’s financial decisions. Mum has often felt that Dad undervalues her contributions and has become increasingly frustrated with the imbalance in their relationship, particularly around decision-making.

They are seeking mediation to resolve issues regarding child and financial arrangements. They have both had their individual MIAMs sessions, there are no safe-guarding concerns revealed and the mediator has discussed child-inclusive mediation (CIM) to ensure that the children’s voices are heard in the process.

Note: The children’s emotional well-being is a key consideration and the CIM sessions will help to understand how they are feeling and ensure their voices are being heard.

Areas discussed:

• Child arrangements
• Child maintenance
• Financial arrangements
• Child-Inclusive mediation (CIM)
• Communication/Co-parenting

Child arrangements:

• Mum’s perspective: Mum has concerns regarding the children’s emotional well-being and wants to limit the disruption to them. Child 1 is struggling at school and seems more withdrawn.  She believes it would be best for the children to stay with her primarily, with Dad spending time with them at the weekends, possibly every other weekend and one weeknight during the week. Mum expresses that Dad’s work schedule, which involves long hours, makes it difficult for him to have as much involvement in the children’s daily routines.
• Dad’s perspective: Dad has expressed his desire to remain an active part of the children’s lives, advocating for joint custody as a way to ensure shared responsibility. He proposes a 50/50 split, with a clear schedule that accommodates his work schedule. Dad also proposes that the children’s school holidays, special days and events could be split to ensure equal time with both parents.

Note: Both parents have equal parental responsibility and given Mum’s frustration of feeling undervalued, it’s important to be aware of any power imbalance during the discussions and ensure both sides proposals are being heard equally. As the mediator, before moving forward with CIM, I would want to know more about Child 1 and her struggles and if they are receiving any support from the school or other professionals.

Child maintenance:

• Mum’s perspective: Mum feels that Dad should contribute more to the children’s costs due to his higher earning capacity and wants a commitment that the monthly payments are consistent and tied to the children’s changing needs, especially as they get older. She also asks for Dad to contribute to the children’s potential future educational expenses.
• Dad’s perspective: Dad has proposed a monthly amount which he can contribute for the children expenses. He agrees that as he is the higher earner, he should contribute a larger share to help cover the children’s needs. He offers to pay a higher percentage of costs towards schools trips, tuition and extracurricular activities to ensure the children’s needs are met.

Note: If child custody is shared, child maintenance is often not paid from one parent to the other. Child maintenance covers the basic needs of a child (food, shelter, clothing etc). Other childcare costs (uniforms, trips, clubs & activities) are seen as additional costs and are often discussed outside of this.

Financial arrangements:

Both parties have completed their financial disclosure in mediation and the mediator has gone through all financial figures in a joint mediation session for full transparency.

The couple have a family home valued at £850,000, a rented property valued at £250,000, pensions, savings of approx. £40,000 and a car. They also have other valuables and a small amount of debt. They have both disclosed their incomes and monthly expenditure amounts.

Mum has proposed to keep the family home to provide stability for the children, however Dad wants to sell the home and have some equity from the house as part of the division of marital assets. He believes he should receive half of the home’s equity since they have both contributed to it.

Mum is concerned that selling the house will disrupt the children’s stability, especially Child 1, who has expressed strong feelings about not wanting to move.

• Mum’s perspective: Mum insists that she should keep the family home to maintain stability for the children. She proposes that Dad receives a portion of the home’s equity, but that she will take on the mortgage and bills costs herself. Proposals are also put forward in terms of offsetting pensions and savings against the equity from the house.
• Dad’s perspective: Dad is hesitant to agree to the house being solely in Mum’s name and he feels it is an unfair division of the marital assets. However, he also understands the view that keeping the family home for the sake of the children’s stability is in the best interests of the children.

Note: There are various options that can be discussed in mediation with regards to the finances. For example, the couple may decide the retain their individual pensions and offset any excess/shortfall with the equity in the house. An affordability check needs to be considered to determine if Mum can take on the mortgage and bills and conversations with the mortgage provider may need to happen before moving forward.

It’s important to disclose all finances in the disclosure for transparency. Even if the couple decide to retain their own savings and valuables, this should be stated in the final documentation to show everything has been considered.

Summary of the mediation outcome:

• • As the mediator, my role is to ensure both sides are being heard and all proposals are discussed. It’s important to remind the couple of their common goals and to keep the children’s best interests at the forefront of any discussions.

• • I may suggest a child arrangement schedule which is temporary but one that both feel comfortable with to try out on a trial basis, with a longer term plan which is built up to. Other factors may need to be considered, for example where they will both be living and the distance to school etc.

• • CIM sessions with the children take place and the feedback from both children is taken into account. The couple agree on a schedule where the children primarily stay with Mum, but Dad has substantial time with them at the weekends and can have the children for extended periods during school holidays. Both agree to keep the children’s needs in mind and remain open to modifying the arrangement if the children’s well-being is affected.

• • The couple agree on a monthly child maintenance payment based on Dad’s income, and also agree that Dad will contribute additional funds toward the children’s future educational needs. They agrees to revisit the financial agreement in a few years, especially if there is a significant change in income or the children’s needs evolve.

• • Discussions around finances are always complicated where there are a number of areas to cover. One outcome in relation to the family home is Dad will receive a percentage of the house’s equity in the form of a lump sum payment or a deferred payment arrangement once Mum has the financial means to do so. They agree to sell the house after a certain number of years (when children are 18 or earlier if Mum remarries) and the proceeds will be split, with Dad receiving his share of the equity.

• • Communication is always an agenda point, as it is the most important aspect of agreement being maintained and enabling flexibility from both sides, which is important, especially when children are involved.  I would talk about the importance of collaboration , co-parenting and communication going forward.  Both are encouraged to support each child’s relationship with the other parent and to communicate openly about how to balance their co-parenting responsibilities.

At the end of the mediation process;

1. • The couple agrees on a flexible Parenting Plan arrangement which focuses on the children’s emotional and physical needs, covering term time, holidays, special days, education, welfare, childcare costs.

1. • They agree to a financial settlement around the family home, pensions, savings, debt etc and have a Memorandum of Understanding (MoU) written up which outlines all their agreements.

If the communication and co-parenting aspects progress well, the couple can revisit their arrangements periodically and make amendments as the children grow and their financial and personal circumstances change. Both parents need to commit to communicating openly for the well-being of their children.

I hope this case study demonstrates how mediation can help reach a compromise. It shows the importance of focusing on the children’s best interests while addressing both parents’ concerns fairly.