There is always more to the story

It’s important for me not to let my personal opinions and bias get in the way of the mediation process. I am always conscious of this. Having cases from various parts of the UK, I am constantly exposed to a range of disputes in families with different social classes, lifestyles, needs and mindsets.

However, I often find myself wondering about other people’s decisions. Why did she leave her five-year-old at home by herself? Why did he have four children if he doesn’t want to look after them? Why does she think she can stop contact between the child and the father for no good reason? On reflection, it is never straightforward and there is always a need to understand the situation in depth before questioning others’ choices.

I have learnt from my experience overtime that there are many factors at play when people make choices we may question. Some of these can include lack of a supportive environment, psychological barriers and mental or emotional state resulting in not being able to deal with and manage unexpected changes. Most of my clients want the best for their family and their children, but struggle to bring their intentions to reality. The services I signpost them to are overstretched and the support they need is often not available when they most need it. 

I want to explore the intricacies of mediation, emphasising the importance of non-judgmental communication and understanding.

Not being heard

An overlooked factor, and one that can have a powerful impact in helping people make changes, is the depth of human connection.

Before we were exposed to a culture of finding satisfaction through material things, we found satisfaction in connection with others and the feeling of being understood. We still do find satisfaction though our connection with others. However the influence of social media in modern life has made this more difficult. When we talk through a difficult topic with another person and we feel we are being heard, this can give us confidence and empower us to make positive changes.

In any relationship, when we feel like we are not being listened to or if we are made to feel like our opinion isn’t important, we either shout louder, act out of character to get attention, or we withdraw. People communicate and think in different ways and that needs to be recognised early on.

When we come across an idea or behaviour we don’t agree with, our initial reaction can often be seen to be defensive. However, these negative emotions fade away when we reflect on the situation and take time to consider it from a different perspective. You can read my article on perspective here.

The right environment

My role as a mediator is to create a safe space for clients to be open and vulnerable, to enable conversations without judgment, blame and bias. It’s not just about finding solutions, but also about understanding the emotional and psychological dynamics at play. It’s essential for mediators to facilitate a space where all parties feel heard and understood; this is what mediation should provide.

There are often options that neither side has considered because they have been engrossed in a battle of attacking each other rather than trying to find the best resolution. It’s not easy to put those emotions aside and put a plan in place which is best for the future of everyone involved.

Understanding could be the first step

The ability to listen to, relate to and understand people who think differently to you is what can build a good foundation for any relationship. No one is perfect and that is why understanding is so important. If we can attempt to understand something we might not agree with, it might help us to communicate better and find a path forward.